I fought my first pro-MMA fight on July 18th 2009.
I lost my first pro-MMA fight on July 18th 2009.
This post is a long time coming, informing the “world” of your experience(s) training and fighting in the cage was something I wanted to do, but it would have been a cooler story if I won… at least from my perspective.
I’ve been involved in jiu-jitsu, grappling, MMA training for years and teach a Japanese style of Ju-Jitsu called: Kobukai Ju-Jitsu. Martial arts and being a good martial artist is a part of who I am. Anyone who has read this blog or has met me knows that “martial arts living” is what is important to me, not being a fighter. There is a difference. One main difference is that I view fighting as an opportunity to improve myself compared to just fighting to “beat someone’s ass”. So when the question of Why Fight was asked by others AND myself, I actually made a list, because it was a question that continually creeped into my mind – “Why the fuck are you fighting?”. My answers being:
The real question is did I fulfill the needs to fight? Did I do what I wanted – and in short the answer is yes and no. I’ll explain in a minute.
Before I can go into the details of the fight, I would like highlight another big hurdle I decided to take on while I was training. When I first decided to fight, I was tipping the scales at 260lbs (give or take a few). About 2 years ago I weighed 250lbs, but was in extremely good powerlifting shape. I slacked a little, ate too many grinders, drank too much booze, and didn’t train as much. I looked into the mirror (yes there is a picture) and decided it was time to get rid of this crap, but at the same time, I said “I am ready to finally fight”. I have been TALKING about it for years and knew I had the skill, but in my mind, I just needed to drop the weight and everything would fall into place. And that was flaw #1. I concentrated too much on dropping weight, compared to actually preparing to fight. More on that later, but first, here’s some fat ass before and after pictures.
My nickname was “The Bear”. The first picture I look like a fat bald bear (I just shaved my chest for the chest tattoo) and in the second pictures I look like a hairy pale version of a bear that once was.
The training for my fight was great and crappy at the same time. I greatly enjoyed the actual training part of it. Literally training everyday can be a blast – when you’re feeling healthy and in great shape. But at some points, I was dealing with a lot of weight-loss related issues. Since I focused so heavily on losing the weight, I had large problems with lack of energy and dizziness. My caloric intake was so low, and the lack of carbs during this very heavy training schedule caused problems. If I was lightly training or just training to train, I would have been fine. But since I was trying to train so much and often, I had problems. This caused me to take more days off then I wanted AND hindered some training sessions as well.
But overall, I learned a lot about fighting during that time. It was like putting my martial arts skills in a microwave. I became a better grappler, striker, in better shape, overcame some personal issues with sparring and striking, gained some new friends, experienced some great training, and overall I improved. And THAT is one of my main goals when it comes to fighting
I would ask my buddy Oz Pariser (4-0 Pro MMA fighter) constantly about what it was like preparing, waiting, getting your hands wrapped, entering the cage, etc when it came to fighting. I’ve been in his corner for every fight and have seen it on the outside looking in, but never experienced it myself. The mental side was actually one of the biggest hurdles for me. I tattooed “Conquer Your Inner Fears” on my chest as a reminder to myself to face your inner demons and challenges. The mental side of fighting was a big challenge to me. I can’t describe it really, maybe you would just understand. Its just difficult knowing that you are going to walk into a cage and face another man who wants to “beat your ass” just as much as you want to beat his. Overall though, I really wasn’t worried about once the fight started, I just hated the waiting and was not looking forward to it.
In high school I was a HORRIBLE wrestler. I think in my whole 2-3 years of wrestling I won maybe 5-6 times…. horrible. I had a big problem with competing. I was never the strongest, I couldn’t put it together on the mat, and my techniques went out the window. I’ve competed in grappling and small other fighting stuff since then and have done fine, but the MMA fight was a big deal to me, it was a chance to beat that losing feeling and finally put it together and win.
The mental side of the fight was almost more important to me then the fight itself. Getting into the cage and fighting was actually the fight
When I first realized it was about to really go down, was getting my hands wrapped. Then I knew… holy fuck did I know. My mind switched – but it was overall a good switch. Instead of being overcome by fear and not wanting to fight, I was able to convert the energy and realize that this is my body and mind preparing itself. As long as I keep positive and in a conquering mindset, then I am good. And that’s what I did. My mind stayed on fighting and winning, and I let it do its thing. I didn’t try to convince myself it wasn’t going to happen, or try to hide from it – I let the emotions come, but I drove.
OH FUCK I FORGOT MY CUP!!!!
After my warmups and getting ready (man that flew by) I had a good sweat and was ready to go! We are told to walk to the door to get ready to enter. I’ve got my best friends, my training partners, some family, and instructors all with me ready to make my entrance. It feels good looking at them and knowing they are there to support me. Felt very good. As they’re talking to me, telling me how I am going to win, how it’s going to be great and how I’m going to beat some ass, I adjust my nuts and realize – I forgot my cup! We are supposed to make an entrance in seconds! Oz takes off running and has to make it through a crowd of people back to the locker room to get my cup…. man that kid is fast! Focker gets back in time, but he didn’t want to put the cup in for me…. so much for best friends! HAHA!
We walk down to the door – I hear Bobby (opponent) entering the ring and now it’s my turn. Shinedown – Sound of Madness: that’s what I’m waiting to hear. BUT I FUCKING CAN’T! Music is too damn low! I want a big ass entrance! I’ve got 47 people who are in the stands to see me and I want that fucking entrance! Well, I didn’t get it. I walked out and then it’s a blur!
It’s finally here – now it’s going down. I’ve got my memories of the fight and I’ve seen some of the video of the fight. This recollection is a combination of it both.
First – we touch gloves and my game plan was to clinch with him and take him down. He also had the same gameplan! So we don’t even exchange punches and we’re in a clinch against the cage. We’re fighting for dominance, but I feel like I am in wrong position. I want to throw him, body lock him, take him down, but I’m not getting the position I want and I’m not finding my sweet spots for the takedown.
I remember we break off for a second, and I throw some strikes – those felt good, and maybe I should have tried to continue to strike, but instinct is taking over, and for the past 10 years of fighting, my instinct has been to clinch and takedown. So we’re back in the clinch again
My head is low I want a bodylock, I want to control his hips, I’m not finding my positions again. I think I catch a knee to the eye, or something big hits me in the eye. I instinctually drop for a shitty single leg takedown and fail. Why I did this? Who the fuck knows? I never go for a crappy single leg
Now I’m in the turtle position, he’s over me raining down punches. I know he’s doing damage, but I feel ok, and that was somewhat of a confidence booster at that point. “I am ok”. I am unable to capture an arm to roll him which I like, or go for a kimura, but I end up transitioning to half guard. SWEET! I love half guard!
I’m in half guard, I got an underhook, this is perfect! I am going to sweep him and win! To get deeper, I take my other arm and underhook his leg… did I just expose my face for punches? Yup! Fucking instinct. I love half guard sweeps and sometimes I underhook their leg to get deeper or to setup. This is fine for grappling, but in MMA, bad idea. It exposes your face.
He’s punching and taking advantage of the situation and I lose my good half guard position. I am flat on my back and defending. He is able to trap my arm over my head while I am defending to setup the head and arm choke.
I look at the time and think I can survive. I’m breathing heavy, I can survive. Then the spots start coming… I tap out.
You can tell by the pic, that my eye got NAILED! I ended up getting another tear in my cornea. That’s the 3RD TIME on the SAME EYE! – annoying.
Immediately after I am feeling a wave of emotions – most notably, how the hell did I lose, how could this happen, I am ashamed. I know most “normal” people say that being embarrassed or ashamed about fighting in the cage is stupid. To them and to me (when others have lost), I don’t see them as bad fighters or look down at them. I admire them for fighting. But, it was / is very hard for me to accept the fact that I lost in front of all my friends, training partners and family.
When I think about if I accomplished my goals or fulfill my reasons on “Why Fight” – the most important ones were fulfilled, why others still need to be “taken care of”.
I’ve learned a lot about myself and a lot about personal growth during this time. I’ve learned MMA fighting is a very exciting and challenging venture. I’ve learned other things that are really hard to describe. This one particular fight has made small subtle changes that I feel, but are hard to express. All positive though. Honestly though, the most important thing I learned was that when you face a challenge, whether you win or lose, it is always a good thing. I think I said it before – this challenge was actually getting into the ring and fighting. That’s what I set out to do. Did I expect to win – most definitely. If I had won this fight, I don’t know what would have happened. The real question is, would I have learned as much? Because I lost, it’s like the worst has already happened. I got hit good, I got choked, and I lost. But, because those things happened, I know SO MUCH more about what I need to do and how I need to get there. Who knows what would have happened if I won and decided to fight again? But this loss is really a win to me now. I’ve won because I’ve learned so much during this journey and more about were my path is in front of me.
Lastly, what I offer you hopefully is some inspiration. This story is obviously not about how “great of a fighter” I am, but actually as a way to inspire others to face a challenge in front of them and “go for it”. I cannot tell you how good it feels to actually face something that is “monstrous” in front of you. It will change you and only for the better.
Wow Sempai,
This is really a great article, for whatever it’s worth you absolutely have my respect and admiration- not just for what you accomplished physically and mentally, but also because your humble and honest reflection on it all. Thanks for sharing this insight into your journey.
Thanks Cort – I greatly appreciate the comments. See you soon!
Yeah great article really great to hear some of the samethings i been feelin too, just had my first and unfortunalty didnt go the way i wanted but like you said i think just actually getin in and doing it was the biggest hurdle! Cheers bro!